Are You The Ugh

[stgulik]

Google Chat has a new sketch feature. I hovered my mouse over the text box and saw a pencil, and then I sketched, and this happened:

It's supposed to be the sun peeking out over the mountains. But it looks like an alien spider under attack by minions of the letter M. I'm not exactly competition for akatnamedeaster, am I?

I'm in a dark place this morning. I feel like there is no hope for the future of humanity. My big mistake is, I started the morning with an episode of the MTV reality show, Are You The One?. If you're one of the lucky ones and have never seen it, it's about ten "guys" and ten "gals" who are perpetually unlucky in love due to being fatuous, overbearing, shallow, spoiled, alcoholic morons, from what I can tell. Anyway, MTV corrals these morons together in one house in Hawaii, informs them one member of the other gender is their Perfect Match, and gives them twelve weeks (episodes) to sort it out for a cash prize.

Easy, right? A classic probability experiment. After, say, six episodes of weekly competitions and elimination rounds, it should be no problem to determine all the perfect matches by a simple process of elimination. BUT if a smart crowd determined the ultimate match-ups too early, it would cost MTV weeks and weeks of advertising dollars. So MTV always makes sure to select twenty ABSOLUTE MORONS.

Are You The One? is my guilty pleasure. It's awful. I love it. It's so cathartic to yell at beautiful strangers without the social obligation to apologize for it. Hmm, that may be the one redeeming feature of reality television.

Anyway, I've watched three seasons now, and we're still early in this season, but I know there'll come an episode where Blake (there's always a Blake) will suddenly stand up in the middle of the orgy room and yell, "This is just a classic probability experiment! We should be figuring out our perfect matches by a simple process of elimination!" And Ashley (there's always an Ashley) will dump a pitcher of sangria on his head while everyone screams at him.

Yet somehow, each season, they do seem to work it out and win the cash prize. It's not due to their brains. I can only assume they bribe the cameramen for the answers.

Comments

[reynardo.livejournal.com]

Mmm. Spiders.

If you can find it, a really good alternative is "If You Are The One". It's made in China, and 24 women get to decide if a man is worth the effort. They're in a semicircle around a walkway. A man comes on, and his presentation film plays. Then the women get to ask him questions. If at any time they decide he's not worth it, they press a button to turn the light in front of them off. Thus the guy has to sell himself as worthy of further interest.

There's nothing more satisfying than seeing a man's presentation film of "I'm very intelligent but I don't want an intelligent wife - just one that's pretty and slim" and seeing all 24 lights go off at once.