My poor FIL

[stgulik]

What must it be like to be permanently confused?

My in-laws recently moved their father to a senior living facility close to where my husband and I live.

There were many factors preceded by a long history I won't recap here. Suffice to say, he's settled in his new place and doing very well - outwardly.

Inwardly, it's a different story. He has absolutely no idea where he is - or sometimes who he is. Some days, this actually doesn't bother him. I'll go and sit with him on a comfy couch, and we'll just while away the time making humorous observations about the other seniors.

But some days when I visit, he'll be more agitated. He'll continually ask me what year it is, how long he's been there, where he used to live before and for how long, what's happened to his wife, etc. He really strives to get a lock on his lost memories.

And then ... there are the worst days. Last night he fell in his bathroom right before the staff could get there to help him to his walker. He was taken to Emergency. My husband and I hung out with him for four hours while he got a CT, stitches, bandages etc. Taking him back to the facility was definitely a problem for him. He wanted out, he wanted to go home (to a place he hasn't lived since 1975), he hated everybody- in alphabetical order- who conspired to keep him in this terrible place, etc.

The injury and the disruption of his routine really agitated him. No reassurance we try to offer works for him when he's like that. Groom was heartbroken but there was nothing he could say that would improve the situation. He and I finally left so that staff could put my father in-law to bed.



tl;dr: Growing old sucks.

Comments

[rivertempest.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

My aunt it the same way, but my uncle can't bring himself to put her in a facility (which he should - she's becoming very unmanageable).

Still, I feel your pain. Here's to hoping there are more 'good' days than not.

[teddyradiator.livejournal.com]

{{{hugs}}}

I'm so sorry, babe. You are right, growing old sucks. I'm glad he has his family close, even though it is so difficult for you to deal with the bad days. I also hope that his good days will outnumber the bad, and that his routine will eventually allow him to find a measure of contentment.

I'll be around today and tomorrow if you need me.

[droxy.livejournal.com]

I hope I drop dead before my mind starts going. The sad thing is he knows it.

Hugs. It is what it is.

[toblass.livejournal.com]

It is indeed a terrible thing getting old. Unfortunately, many of us are now at an age where we are facing the reality of aging parents. It sucks. It really does. :( *hugs*

[christev.livejournal.com]

My Dad had Alzheimer's. It was really tough on Mom putting him into a facility, but there gets to be a point where family are just not equipped to handle all the needs of someone in that condition.

Yeah, it really sucks. For us, it was worst when he was in the beginning and middle stages, when confusion and stubbornness were magnified in him. The worse off he got, the more docile and happy he became. At least his agitation at not understanding things went away...

I hope this is a good facility for your fil - at least it can give peace of mind that the family is doing the best they can for him. *hugs*

[kittylefish.livejournal.com]

i'm sincerely sorry to hear this. it's a tough thing to go through. all we can really do is take it one day at a time, be grateful for the good days, and hope they outnumber the bad. *hugs*

[darklotus1211.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear of your family's plight. I went through this with my stepdad.

Like everyone else here, I hope the good days outnumber the bad, and that the bad are as good as they can be (if that makes sense).

Hopefully he'll settle in properly soon and be less agitated. It's a horrible thing to go through for both the person suffering it and their family, but I hope, with time, it will improve.

Lots of good vibes coming your way from the Antipodes, my dear.